angel_9_lives: (Default)
lmao, I love my friends:

(teasing me about being "old")

btw, do you have a cane yet?

woman, you are SO grounded for the rest of your life >.<

should I buy one for you?

don't make me beat you -.-
do you REALLY want to get beat by an old person? -.-

I will go and buy one! you don't need to force yourself

woman, you g...actually
go buy me a cane :D
a GOOD one


nice and thick and heavy

why am I getting scared?

cause you know me?

I have a feeling you will take the cane and beat me up with it

You DO know me XD
angel_9_lives: (Default)

took the golfcart to run over to the gas station a couple minutes ago, and when I came out to go back home, there were two younger guys (late teens to early twenties) in a truck near the cart...I started around the corner to go home, and I heard one of the guys hollering to turn on the headlights (just kidding around, not asshole-ish or anything), so I turned back around and pulled up to them:

guy: don't have any. don't you hit anybody out there!
me: I'm trying to get them to hit ME, that way _I_ get the money
guy: do you have a flashlight?
me: nope
guy: if I had one, I'd give it to you so you can flash people as you drive by
me: don't need a flashlight for that ;)
him: *jaw drop*
his friend: *laugh*
me: *turns around to leave again*
him: hey! how old are you??
me: old enough!
him: you're not!

on the downside, someone threatened to stab sis' hubby and burn down their store. and for once, it wasn't HIS fault...HE was actually being calm and nice! (there's video proof or I wouldn't believe it either!)

the guy was bowing up on sis, and his wife was calling her a liar...neither of those things are a good idea...especially with any of us around.

Bil normally would've beaten that guy down on the spot, in front of the guys' kids and wife. oikko would've sent sis upstairs to get Bil so he would beat the guy down. I...well, I'd better not say what I'd do...don't wanna leave any kinda evidence that might make it sound like it was premeditated ;)

OH, and I learned something useful about Texas law! it was a very bad idea for sis to have told me about it IS useful:D

when the guy threatened to stab bil, sis had her gun in her lap, cause the guy had already been giving her a hard time and making threats, so she was a lil scared (imagine that).

she told the policeman that if she saw the man trying to come back on their property, she was gonna shoot him. the officer told her that there's this stipulation (I think) called the "wall of seperation".

as long as there is something in between you and your attacker, whether it's a wall, or table, counter, etc., you canNOT shoot them. there HAS to be open ground between you and the person, cause then that person has nothing in their way to stop them from charging at you full tilt.

I told Kristy that that info is entirely too useful. cause I would tell the person "okay, hold on, gonna make sure you have a clear path here...*moves everything out of the way*...*checks for even the smallest pebble or dust speck* ...okay, we're good now." and then let them charge me.

I don't know if it applies to defending yourself with a knife/sword/dagger too though...if it does, then the only drawback to this is that if someone tries to break into the door here at OUR store? we have a chain lock. so I'd have to wait for them to break the door open before I can play "slice 'em, dice 'em" with one of the many sharp objects I keep nearby.

the original plan was that if someone tried to break through the door when I'm here alone/with the kids, I'd grab one of the swords bil gave me and stab through the gap.

now...:\ dunno.

also, they're apparently on the brink of getting fired. bil SERIOUSLY needs to learn to control his temper. *sighs*

*points up* that, btw, is why I've been MIA. too much family stuff going on that I'm not even gonna try posting about. just bear with me:\
angel_9_lives: (Default)
my mom just got back from visiting her sister (my aunt douche-bag), and, as usual sent out a mass email/newsletter telling us about the visit. Normally, I'm like "*headdesk*". I mean, I love to read and all, but...damn.

this time, however, she included a couple gems:

"which reminds me, i read something in readers digest while at marys that you who know me will get a kick out of (the ones who know i tend to speed). it seems that this grown daughter was riding with her mother who likes to speed and was pulled over by a policeman. the mother said to the officer, "well,officer, i ve never been pulled over like this before." he said, "how did they do it before, shoot your tires out?"

i laughed over that one for hours. i think i better start getting me a snappy retort just in case somebody decides to say this to me. i think i might say, "Oh, was that what they were doing?"
the other funny thing i read was about a lady in line waiting to get her picture back at the dmv. when they handed it to her she said, "This is a hideous picture. it doesnt look a thing like me." the woman behind her snatched it out of her hand saying, "thats because it's me." whoa!!!!"

*winces* ouch, for both of those women, lol.
angel_9_lives: (Default)
ok, that's it...I am officially dead.

omg Sakky, ilu )
angel_9_lives: (Default)
"After a few months I began to entertain a previously unfathomable thought; maybe I should consider ending the relationship. It was a shocking revelation I could barely qualify in my own mind. Here I was a meek and shy teenager interminably desperate for the affection of girls, and now I was contemplating biting the hand that fed me. I was a starving Ethiopian, about to throw away my only morsel of food.

Her parents left town one weekend and I reluctantly agreed to shack up with her. We had engaged in a particularly vicious fight the previous evening over the misconduct of my peer group, and the next morning I awoke resenting our relationship. It wasn't her fault; I wasn't a rat she had cornered and beaten with a stick. Rather, I was a rat willingly residing in her cage and tired of performing tricks for cheese.

As I stared at the ceiling, Tracy rolled over in an effort to cuddle with me. Perhaps she was asleep or perhaps she had contorted herself in just the right manner, but nevertheless I heard a abrupt noise emanate from behind her as if someone had just drop-kicked a small goat. The sound was unmistakable; she had farted.

Previously I had lived in a delusional world where women didn't have this issue, and even if they did it sprung from their bodies in the form of festive, shimmering maypole ribbons that might smell like fresh pie. This was not the case as evidenced by the reaction of her cat, who immediately contracted his ears, stood up, andexited the room as if late for a pharmaceutical conference.

Tracy's eyes shot open and met mine, and all I could do was explode into laughter. I had never heard a girl fart before, and haven't heard it since. She was mortified. "It's not funny," she said, "I don't feel good." It was funny and she knew it. She started laughing for a moment, but then began to pretend like she was crying over her laughter in an attempt to toss a little guilt my way.

It was a brilliant show, her puppy sobs countered with her crocodile tears. After about ten minutes and some considerable effort, she was finally able to muster a tear, but I was nonplussed. No one cries because of a fart, and from that point forward I accepted her tears for what they were worth; a tired effort to further manipulate my behavior."

excerpt from: why women hate men.

omg, silvershinigami, ty for posting that link. seriously. *is STILL dying*
angel_9_lives: (Default)
sharing some laughs~

(copied and pasted from msn)

this guy has been bugging me to show him more of my I emailed him another chapter, and told him:

Angel says:
I'm being nice and emailing you chapter 3
if you ever send it to anyone, or print it and show it to anyone, I will hunt you down, hang you from your heels and skin you alive :)
while singing the most annoying song
at the same time.
and having someone else in the room to run their fingernails down a chalkboard.
just so we're clear:)

havoks101 says:
haha is that a come on?
sounded HOT

Angel says:
no, that's the fireants

havoks101 says:
yea we got it clear ill just read it and itll go bye bye

Angel says:
they come with the honey coated dildo of doom.

havoks101 says:
i spit my drink all over the screen
but thanks i just got it
so you can be nice yet fiesty

Angel says:
more along the lines of bitchy with moments of temporary insanity, resulting in bits and pieces of niceness

havoks101 says:
hahaha well that just sounds hot

Angel says:
lol, glad you like?

havoks101 says:
yeap every second of it exept the dildo part
that was scary

Angel says:

that's just the beginning >:)

havoks101 says:
hahaha ohh then i dont wanna know the rest

Angel says:
there's a reason the fireants came with it >:)

havoks101 says:
im not faint at heart but dAMn i might pass out

Angel says:
and I should specify that it's the 'honey coated HOLLOW dildo of doom'

havoks101 says:
well it seems like i gotta start practicing my running
cause DAMN thats not gettin near me

Angel says:
don't want the ants to get squished before they get to check out their new home, ya know?

havoks101 says:

hahaha damn thats harsh
when i need to pay someone back youll be the first i hit up


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